I don't know what it is.

I feel fine.  

No you don't. Stay in bed.

No I have to go to school.

No, its fine. Nobody will even notice.

I mean I would love to stay but I need to go.

Its fine stay in bed with me. You're worthless anyway. You have no future so going to school is pointless.

You're right I should stay in. NO I HAVE TO GO. 

COME ON STAY IN BED. IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!

Okay. Okay.Okay. I'll stay here. 

Good. But you're going to miss so much work. you're gonna fail again. You're parents are going to be so disappointed. god you're so dumb why would you stay in bed. What the fuck is wrong with you. You're grades are dropping. You have nothing to do here.

GOD JUST SHUTUP. Let me sleep. I haven't slept in 3 days because of you. 

Oh don't try to blame this on me. This is all your fault. Maybe if you were nice and dressed better and weren't so fucking ugly then maybe you wouldn't have this problem. 

I know you're right. I am all those things.... Can I just sleep. Can I please just forget.

Yeah sure but once you wake up god are you going to be in trouble. YOU'RE MOMS GOING TO FLIP SHIT.

I, I know. Shit I shouldn't of done this. I still have time I can still go. 

NO DON'T GO!

WHY NOT?!

Cause.... Nobody will miss you. there's nothing important going on and if there were something important going on why would you even want to go, you're not worth it. 

You're right I'll stay here.

Okay good. But you do know you're missing so much right now. 

I KNOW GOD JUST LET ME SLEEP.

HEY DON'T YELL AT ME I'M THE ONLY ONE HERE FOR YOU! I'm the only one who cares. I stay with you all day. I don't see anybody else here with you. God you're so selfish you know that. I'm here with you night and day and yet you still yell at me. God I hope you die soon so I can just leave. Ugh why do I even stay here. God you're so mean to me. 

I, I, I'm sorry...

GOOD CAUSE YOU SHOULD BE.

I just want to sleep...

THEN GO TO SLEEP! GOD I'M NOT STOPPING YOU!

But you are...

EXCUSE YOU!? *LAUGHS INBETWEEN WORDS* OH MY GOD YOU'RE SO DUMB JUST FUCKING SLEEP YOU LAZY SHIT. 

Alright good night. thanks for being here...

Anytime you piece of shit.

This is my daily struggle with my anxiety and depression. I'm constantly torn between wanting to leave but always being so tired or scared. My inner demons always get the best of me. They always win. I feel as though my depression is my only friend. 

I don't know what it is.

I'm staying

I wanted to tell you. But it was never the right time I almost told you yesterday but the timing was so bad and I missed your reply... I regret doing it I really do but things are getting worse and I can't control these thoughts from crossing my mind every once in a while. I hate carrying around this burden. I hate not being able to be happy anymore. I love forgetting the things that make me feel so horrible. Its been almost a year since I've gotten out of my slump. I was so proud of myself, I was becoming myself again I was going out with friends interacting with my family...I felt loved. I enjoyed waking up I couldn't wait for the next day Everything was going perfect, its just the other day. My mom yelled at me once again. This time she was serious every word she said... She said the most hurtful things to me. I just wished she loved me how I loved her.

I couldn't take it anymore... After sitting on my bed for a couple of minutes and just replaying what she said to me in my head I decided "fuck it, she's right I'm worthless. I don't deserve to be here." I got up reached for my drawer and found my old pills I knew that it'd be the perfect thing to give me the relief I craved. I drank one pill after the other I didn't stop until I felt... Better?
I laid on my bed and waited for my pills to do what I intended them to do. I decided to read the box to see how long it would take. "don't consume more than 6 in 12 hours" My eyes went wide and I started to panic I just realized what I had done. I tried to commit suicide. I ran to the bathroom and tried to through up. I didn't stop until I did. I still haven't told anybody... And honestly I don't know how.

How do you tell someone "I drank so many pills that I nearly passed out and ended up throwing up all over the bathroom floor" Like fuck why did I do that? I've stayed so strong for so long and just one thing made me fucking crack. I'm glad I threw up the pills but I hate how horrible I feel and How horrible I've felt since I was 13. I just want to lay in bed all day and forget about life. I'm tired of living. But something that day made me want to throw up those pills, and everything happens for a reason so I guess I'm going to stay here as long as god has intended me to do.